Fugue State

a state or period of loss of awareness of one's identity

 

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 What I Wouldn't Give For A Second Chance, @ Travis/Dani
Jan 21 2018, 12:10 AM
68
posts
1100 Immortal Actor
Psion
All that I see, is the wickedness around me. I refuse to believe, the apocalypse inside of me. I can't even trust myself. I'm burning in my skin. Standing at the gates of hell, but nobody will let me in
Pravilo
Pansexual
Taken // Shipped
Gary, Rhett, Trent

awards

Emotion Sucks
J-Chan
She/her/It | MST | 3/3/3 | J-Chan#2637
Garrett was home again after spending some time away from San Francisco. He’d up and left four months prior without so much as a good-bye to those he cared about in his life – all, except one. Of course he had let Travis know where he was going. Text messages, mostly, although he did initially call the shifter to explain that he was going to be out of town on business. Filming again for a B movie that probably wouldn’t hit theatres. Maybe the dollar ones, he thought. The filming took the whole of three and a half months with him on set nearly every day with Sunday being the only day he had any time to himself. In those times where he had time he sent texts to Travis to see how he was – sent them even if he didn’t receive anything back.

His demeanor was a little stand-offish for the course of his time away. Often he snapped at people who were just trying to do their jobs, and a couple times he had been told to get off the set to cool off. He was just concerned about Travis, and those that caught on to his feelings approached him about it. There was one person he confided in, and that person had been his co-star. They’d talked, he cried, and she let him belt out his emotions on her whenever they had a scene together. It helped – but it didn’t really do him much good. It made him miss the shifter all the more, actually.

Garrett had gotten home last night late, his plane having been delayed two hours because of inclement weather. Today he had done very little, merely shed his clothes he’d worn the day before (he had slept in them), threw them in the wash, and spent a good hour on the treadmill on a fast paced setting that had him breathing hard by the time he was done. At the end of the run, he took out a water from the fridge and downed the entire thing. It didn’t do much good. He was craving blood and emotions – he always did when he was in distress.

Unable to fight it any longer, he called Travis. There was something else he was craving, and that was Travis. His presence would do just fine – yet he knew they still needed to work things out. On the phone with the shifter, he could sense rather easily that the other seemed apprehensive about coming over – but he finally agreed. Garrett hung up the phone afterwards, and hit the shower. He was going to get cleaned of the sweat and the shame, and get presentable, even if nothing but talking happened between he and the shifter.

It was clear he missed the other man. Clear enough that he could barely contain his own emotions when he heard the knock at the door. He hurriedly went to answer it, and let the other man into his home – which was as much the shifter’s home as it was his own. Every part of him wanted to touch Travis, to hold him and to kiss him – but he decided against it. There was a longing in his eyes, though, as he said, “Hey, Travis. It’s really good to see you. Thank you for agreeing to come over.” His smile was soft. “Can I get you anything?” Code for ‘would you like something to eat before you tear my face off?’ Heh. He hoped he was wrong about that. But he had a feeling it was pretty much in the ball park. He knew that Travis would still be furious with him. And, honestly? He had every right to be.

But if it mattered any, Garrett had gone those entire four months without fucking anyone. He’d still fed – just that he kept sex out of the equation when he took what he needed from others. And before you ask, yes – yes he did feed on his co-star friend. But that was it.
Jan 22 2018, 07:04 PM
55
posts
45 Shifter Juvenile Parole Officer
Cougar
Everyone one has a choice. Every choice has a consequence. Remember that and accept it while holding your chin up.
Cautela
Gay
Taken
Travis

awards

Jack of Hearts
Dani
Her/She | Eastern | 0/0/0 |
He had gotten the text messages.

Some of them he ignored.

Some of them he responded back to. Most of his responses were simple one word answers that were certainly reflections on how he felt. How little he wanted to talk to him and how much space Travis felt like he needed.

But there were times when his responses showed that he still worried about Garrett. Things like "Be Safe. Don't be stupid and jump out without a parachute." showed he might still be angry at the psion, but he certainly had no interest in hearing that the other died. Perhaps it was those messages that gave Garrett hope that the pair might be able to work it out.

And perhaps Travis had sent those messages in an attempt to convey he would give Garrett a second chance.

Fuck.

Travis did not know what the Hell he meant, nor was he sure of what he wanted from Garrett or any of this.

So, when the idiot called him to let him know he was home, Travis was tempted, really tempted, to let the phone ring.

But he didn't.

He picked it up and damn near growled into the phone. It was very clear that Travis was still feeling very defensive about the entire thing. It was still a sore spot, which made it so much worse for him because he thought it ought to be something that he could get over. Not being able to get over it meant that Garrett had meant more to him than he had wanted to admit. That meant that Garrett had gotten him deep.

A long story short, Travis was convinced to come over to the mansion to be reminded again how Garrett was too good for him. How the man could get any man or woman he wanted and not even have to think twice about the pathetic parole officer. Travis huffed as he sat in his car,
arms crossed as he glared at the door as if that would somehow be enough to get his message across. With an annoyed huff, he pulled his winter hat down to cover his ears before pushing his door open and stomping up to the door.

There was no need for such dramatics, but it felt better. No wonder Milo did that from time to time, it did feel good.

He knocked on the door and looked up when Garrett answered the door with more enthusiasm than Travis had expected. For a moment,t he werecat looked at him like he were some kind of mad man before stepping inside of the house. "Uh, some water'll do. I guess." he answered, looking around as if something would just pop out from the corner. What would, he had no idea.

It did not help that he was well aware that Garrett could no doubt feel the different emotions that were swirling inside of him. Anything that went from anger, to fear of being replaced and hurt again, to a sense of worthlessness that had been picking at him since the entire situation that played out. To have a man he thought loved him cheat on him.. and with one of the children (adults now really) that he used to take care of was hardly a confidence booster. Probably explained why he had been spending so much time in the bar or just drowning himself in work- whichever would do the trick better at any given time.

"So, what did you want Garrett? I'm here. What did you want?" he asked, deciding to just go ahead and tackle the problem head on rather than just kind of pussy foot around it and dodge the entire conversation that they both needed to happen. Honestly, Travis was not sure how long he would be able to stay here with Garrett and be sober. It seemed to be better to just go ahead and start the conversation now.
Jan 23 2018, 10:51 PM
68
posts
1100 Immortal Actor
Psion
All that I see, is the wickedness around me. I refuse to believe, the apocalypse inside of me. I can't even trust myself. I'm burning in my skin. Standing at the gates of hell, but nobody will let me in
Pravilo
Pansexual
Taken // Shipped
Gary, Rhett, Trent

awards

Emotion Sucks
J-Chan
She/her/It | MST | 3/3/3 | J-Chan#2637
It had helped the Psion to know that his boyfriend still cared. Certainly seeing those text replies from Travis did him wonders, and made him have hope that things could potentially get better between the two of them. But he wasn’t out of the dog house yet, he knew. There was still so much that he had to do to prove to his boyfriend that he wasn’t going to fuck up again. Not fucking anyone was a good start, yet how was the shifter to know if Garrett was telling the truth or not? No thinking negative, he’d always tell himself when he got to thinking about their situation. How could he not? He’d screwed up, plain and simple – and he knew that. In fact he wouldn’t have blamed Travis if the shifter never wanted to talk to him again.

Oh what a tangled mess his life was – no matter how much he could try to run away, he’d always be faced with the betrayal that he had committed, blatantly and knowing full well what it’d do to his boyfriend once it was found out. The little part of him that wouldn’t have said a word, it was the same part of him that he pushed aside and tried to ignore. The thing about it was that he had to say something. In the time that he’d been dating the shifter, things had changed about the Psion. He wasn’t so set in his ways now. The old him would have jumped the bones of his co-star without giving it a second thought. Yet there was this part of him now – the better Garrett, he tried to tell himself – that was trying hard to make the right decisions. It was something that he was trying, but he didn’t know how much of that Travis would see, or even if he wanted to see such things.

He could tell, even on the phone, that Travis was seething. He heard it in the shifter’s voice, sensed it from the other end of the line when the shifter fell silent and wouldn’t say a word to him. Oh he’d fucked up bad, and he knew that. It tore at his heart at how much he knew that – but instead of shutting off his own emotions, he let the feeling sink in and he started crying once he had hung up the phone. Hence the shower, and hence his desire to throw himself out of the next plane he’d come across. But his mind kept reminding him how much he cared. It kept reminding him, also, of how deep the shifter’s claws were into him now. Even if he had wanted to, Garrett found that he couldn’t just walk out of the shifter’s life – even with the thoughts that that might be the best thing for him. Garrett wasn’t cut out to be in a long term relationship. In spite of this, however, he was trying. Against all odds, he was trying because he did care.

Showered, changed, and now at the door to answer it, Garrett had to prevent himself from blushing when Travis gave him a look. He knew that look, and he knew he earned it. Clearing his throat, he said, “Yeah, I’ll get that for you. Make yourself at home.” It was his home, too, he wanted to say to the shifter – yet he was already forcing himself into the kitchen to get water for both of them. There was a bottle of champagne in his fridge that had been there since before Christmas, something he had hoped to share with Travis during gift exchanging and them spending the holiday together. But that just hadn’t happened. Shortly after the incident with Milo and Travis, he’d taken the next job his agent could get for him and hopped the next plane to get there. He’d not had time to say goodbye to anyone – but he had told Travis that he was leaving, though he worded it carefully as to not get it across that he was actually leaving the shifter.

He came back into the room where Travis was waiting and handed him a blue glass with a few cubes of ice floating in water. “I wanted to talk, Travis,” and then he said, honestly, “I missed you, and I wanted to see you. How are you?” He wasn’t avoiding. What he was doing was he was easing Travis into the conversation, get him comfortable before they started talking about where they were, and if they had any ground to stand on. Or, worse, if they just wanted to end things here. He looked at Travis, and swallowed as that thought crossed his mind. “How was your Christmas and New Year?” Again, easing. Trying to make it seem as though he was trying to relay to Travis that he still cared – and that he still loved him.
Feb 2 2018, 10:40 PM
55
posts
45 Shifter Juvenile Parole Officer
Cougar
Everyone one has a choice. Every choice has a consequence. Remember that and accept it while holding your chin up.
Cautela
Gay
Taken
Travis

awards

Jack of Hearts
Dani
Her/She | Eastern | 0/0/0 |
It was clear that Travis was not sure of how to handle the situation that he was forced to confront. The werecat was feeling a variety of emotions from anger, to maybe some faint hope, all the way to irritation and yet fear.

Why fear?

Because the fact that he could not forget the other male as quickly as he had hoped meant that the psion had meant a lot to him. While it was one thing to admit that, and know that, when you were in a relationship that was going well. It was a whole other game when the person you were giving your heart to broke it. 

Once beaten, twice shy.

Never mind how many fears and self-conscious feelings that Travis had managed to hold down until that happened. As he had told Garret in the fight, Travis was well aware that he looked nothing like the eye candy that actors and actresses could get. Add in the years that Garrett had lived- well, Travis certainly was not foolish enough to believe that he was Garrett’s true love.

But when he was with him, he was able to ignore those thoughts. Instead, he focussed on the fun times and how Garrett would look at him, would see to just devote every second of them being together to just that- being together.

Then he slept with Milo.

Milo.

The very child he had witnessed destroying himself so many times that he lost count. The one who had more chances than a cat had lives…

Man.

And now Garrett just wanted to talk.

He took the glass of water offered to him and remained silent. He started to drink the water, silently wishing it was something stronger that would some how give him courage and steady his nerves. ’I missed you..”. That almost felt like some kind of sick joke.

The tone Garrett used told Travis otherwise though. It was no joke. It was something meant to try and open up the doors that Travis had already started trying to close behind him. Lock them up, get wood to lean and nail against them while he got the brick. He did not know what to tell him for a moment, shrugging his shoulders.”Fucken peachy.” he answered. 

His face said otherwise.

The parole officer had never been one that was too worried about appearances, but he certainly looked a little more worn out and ragged than he usually did. He took in a deep sigh at the question about his holidays, his lips pressing hard against each other before looking at the glass in his hand. ”Holidays were shit. Like usual. The pride was fine enough for what it is.. Never liked holidays, so, you know.. mostly worked. Had to deal with a few suicide attempts. One success.” he admitted.

Holidays sucked.

”Yours?” clearly not sure of what else to ask him as he rolled his shoulders just a bit. ”Have a good time?”
Feb 2 2018, 11:25 PM
68
posts
1100 Immortal Actor
Psion
All that I see, is the wickedness around me. I refuse to believe, the apocalypse inside of me. I can't even trust myself. I'm burning in my skin. Standing at the gates of hell, but nobody will let me in
Pravilo
Pansexual
Taken // Shipped
Gary, Rhett, Trent

awards

Emotion Sucks
J-Chan
She/her/It | MST | 3/3/3 | J-Chan#2637
Eleven-hundred years was a long time. In that time he learned how to feign emotions, and make it seem like those feigned emotions were real. It was a cruel joke on anyone who never caught on to what Garrett was trying to do. Back then he hadn’t cared one way or the other what emotion he feigned, or who he hurt in the process. He’d been an asshole back then, rarely caring about anyone other than himself. Wandered around the globe without attaching himself to anyone for anything more than a feeding. With a whisper he was in and out of their lives without making an impact – something that he had liked doing just because he felt it wouldn’t hurt him to appear and disappear as though they didn’t matter to him.

But he had made the mistake, once, of getting close to someone. From that moment on there was little he could do about it. He had started to care again – just like he once had when he was still human. The emotions he felt these days were real. The ones, specifically, that he felt for Travis were real. Yet like the werecat he was scared, scared mostly because he might blink and Travis would be out of his life forever. He didn’t know what was worse: thinking of Travis leaving him, or experiencing it firsthand. The bad part about it was that he knew he was going to survive heartbreak. He had before – and he would again, but at the cost of turning himself off emotionally and not giving a shit about anyone all over again. That was what scared him, too. Almost on par with losing Travis, actually.

Travis was acting out, he knew. He had every right to. How were you supposed to act when someone that apparently loved you, slept with someone else? Garrett was still beating himself over it. His co-star had said to not do that – and he half-succeeded when he was around her, the two of them talking about different things and trying to keep their personal lives out of the equation. For him that was difficult. But he managed it, gotten through it because he knew he wanted to make things right with Travis when he had got home. He’d been trying to play this scene over and over in his mind to see how it might go, rehearsing his lines until he had them down pat. But now with Travis sitting here, his mind went blank. Maybe he’d earned that. Perhaps he’d earned for his world to fall down on top of his head and crush him, too.

Garrett was silent until Travis started talking about how his holidays went. Honestly he didn’t know what to say to the suicide attempts – and the one success Travis had in preventing them. He swallowed hard against his throat. “Wow, I’m sorry to hear that. That’s just awful.” He truly didn’t know what to say – but he felt he had to add, “I wish I could have been here for you, Travis. It might’ve… I dunno…” he trailed off, and then Travis asked Garrett how his were, to which he responded, “They sucked – but we got the movie done. Another bad B movie for the public to enjoy.” Of course he would put down his own work. Honestly the movie itself wasn’t going to be that bad. It wasn’t one of his best – but it certainly wasn’t his worst, either.

“I am serious, though. I really did miss you,” he spoke, sincere in his words, “It’s part of why I asked you here. We need to talk about us. Where we stand, where we go from here – and whether or not I should just get out of your life now.” He was blunt – but at least he tried to be gentle. “As much as I don’t want that – I’d understand. I fucked up.” He sounded as though he was sorry – and no, that was not one of those feigned emotions he was trying to pass off as real.
Feb 3 2018, 10:47 PM
55
posts
45 Shifter Juvenile Parole Officer
Cougar
Everyone one has a choice. Every choice has a consequence. Remember that and accept it while holding your chin up.
Cautela
Gay
Taken
Travis

awards

Jack of Hearts
Dani
Her/She | Eastern | 0/0/0 |
He did not really care what Garrett had to say about the holidays at the moment. It felt more like an empty conversation that was done between two strangers passing time than two people who were truly invested in each other. It made the werecat look away from him as he tried to figure out just what it was Garrett wanted. Was he hoping that Travis would just spread his legs for him again? Was he wanting to let him know he was leaving? That he found someone else? What was it that Garrett wanted?

Travis looked about ready to just go towards the door, his eyes going towards the door before Garret started talking again. He did not look convinced for a moment. At least, not until the psion started to explain things a little more to him. He hesitated for a moment, looking back at the drink and thinking.

”I- I’m not going to lie, Garrett.. That- that really hurt. Knowing that, for whatever reason it was, you went behind my back and slept with someone- I, I mean, if you- What do you want from this? Because, listen, if you just want to be friends and might fuck a few times- fine. I mean, I dunno how ok I will be with it, but at least your fucken honest with me.” he explained, snorting a bit of air as he spoke quickly.

”But, if you want me to be- well, more than a friend with benefits, then we need to talk.” he muttered, letting his fingers tap along the glass as he thought for a moment. It surprised him how quickly and easily the words seem to come out.

He thought it would be a bit harder than it seemed to be. It could have been because Garrett had put the cards down on the table for him.

”Because I can’t do that. I can’t put my heart into something to have it.. to not have the other interested in doing the same. Fuck Garret, you’ve felt how I feel. You fucken know that when I feel, I really feel it. I don’t half ass shit and from what you were telling me, I thought we were something special. Am I? Or am I just another fling to be forgotten in a few months when-“ he frowned, setting the glass down before leaning on the wall. “When you find some perfect looking trophy person again? I need to know what you want.

With that, Travis seemed done, pressing his lips together and staring hard at Garrett.
Feb 3 2018, 11:31 PM
68
posts
1100 Immortal Actor
Psion
All that I see, is the wickedness around me. I refuse to believe, the apocalypse inside of me. I can't even trust myself. I'm burning in my skin. Standing at the gates of hell, but nobody will let me in
Pravilo
Pansexual
Taken // Shipped
Gary, Rhett, Trent

awards

Emotion Sucks
J-Chan
She/her/It | MST | 3/3/3 | J-Chan#2637
Garrett cared to hear what was going on in Travis’s life. He felt he had cheated Travis out of time that they needed to share together – yet what they had actually needed was time a part from one another. As cruel as that sounded, it really was the best thing for them both. They could think about things, see where they wanted their relationship to go. Garrett knew, yet he had fucked up. Slipped because he was weak. Everyone had moments of weakness. Pretty eyes, a sweet smile, and a long sad story were just a few of the things that snagged Garrett. It’d been a long time since he had a stable relationship – it wasn’t as easy as those perfect couples made it out to be. There would be tears just as there would be laughter. And there would be slammed doors and apologies pouring from mouths that were too used to lying.

“I know, Travis,” he said when Travis had expressed that Garrett’s betrayal had hurt, “God help me, I know that now.” He spoke as though he hadn’t known that then – then being the moment when he fucked Milo. In truth, Garrett didn’t know what he was thinking at the time of his wrong doing. All he had been thinking about was getting laid – he didn’t think about hurting anyone, if you could believe that. “I - ” he had started to speak when Travis went on, telling Garrett that they needed to talk if they wanted this to be more than a friends with benefits kind of deal. “I agree, yes we do need to talk.”

He listened, then, as Travis spelled it out for him. It was easy enough to understand – but he got the impression that Travis still thought that Garrett saw him as little better than a fuck toy. He waited for Travis to finish, and then told him, “You are special to me, Travis,” he paused, and let his boyfriend finish by shutting his own mouth for the moment. When silence fell over the two of them, he was silent for a moment before he said, a note of finality to his voice, “I want you, Travis. And only you.” For how long, though? Shifters did not live forever – not like Garrett would. But he didn’t want to think about that now. “I want to share my life with you. I want to wake up in the morning to see you lying next to me. I want it to be you and me, and nobody else,” but “But I stand by what I said a moment ago: I want you.” That is what he knew he wanted for certain.

“I don’t want some perfect trophy person. That is not what is important to me,” he paused, and moved on to what he was going to say next, “I thought about every aspect of my life, and how I wanted you there with me. As long as you want to be there. Because it wouldn’t be fair to just get what I want. You need to have things you want as well,” he’d pause once more, and then he’d ask, “Do you want to stay with me, Travis?” There was a look in his eyes, a hint of a frightened one, almost as if he was afraid to hear the answer. But you had to give him credit: in spite of the fear that he felt, he still asked the question.
Feb 13 2018, 08:52 PM
55
posts
45 Shifter Juvenile Parole Officer
Cougar
Everyone one has a choice. Every choice has a consequence. Remember that and accept it while holding your chin up.
Cautela
Gay
Taken
Travis

awards

Jack of Hearts
Dani
Her/She | Eastern | 0/0/0 |
Garrett had allowed Travis to speak his mind. The least he could do was give the man the same chance.

It was hard.

It was hard to listen with out stepping in to spit some sarcastic comment to the psion who stood in front of him, that cheated on him and claimed he loved him. The young werecat watched the other in front of him, searching for the hint of a lie. Searching for a way to see that the psion in front of him truly was intent to use him, to spit him out again like almost everyone else had in his damned life. 

Hell, apparently even his own “kids” if Milo was any kind of indicator on that.

Probably wasn’t.

But nothing was there.

Nothing but sincerity.

Travis was not too sure of what he thought about that. For a while, he stood there in awkward silence, feeling the bottom lids of his eyes start to burn as tears threatened to start to well up. As much as he wanted to believe that the tears were out of anger, that was a lie, one that he was trying to believe uselessly. It meant that someone, someone , actually would want him around. Someone like Garrett who had looks and money and certainly a buffet style of choices for who he decided to use as an arm decoration.

Yet, here he was picking him.

Or claiming he was.

Only a few more moments passed before he looked down at the floor, and used a lot more energy than he would like to admit to not just wrap his own arms around himself in some kind of pathetic hug to comfort himself like he had done years and years ago. ”You aint just saying it, right? You mean it? Because if you’re shitting me…” Travis tailed off, not yet certain of how he would be able to finish that sentence. If he wanted to finish that sentence. “But if you aint shitting me, I-“ 

What did he want?

”I would like to try this- again. Maybe. I don’t know. FUck.” he muttered, wanting to pace around the room. His feet moved but his body state put as he thought over the options and choices. One choice slammed the door in someones face and kept him from being hurt- but he’d be alone. Again. The other option would leave the door wide open, and would also leave him very open to being attacked and injured again. Both choices were absolutely terrifying.

”We might have to sort of move slow- I mean.. I dunno. I guess.. I mean..Yeah. Just-“ What did he mean? Was he really going to go back to a man that cheated on him? 

Guess that would depend on if the man was truly sorry. So far, he seemed to be.

”We can work on it, I guess.” he finally got out.
Feb 20 2018, 09:41 PM
68
posts
1100 Immortal Actor
Psion
All that I see, is the wickedness around me. I refuse to believe, the apocalypse inside of me. I can't even trust myself. I'm burning in my skin. Standing at the gates of hell, but nobody will let me in
Pravilo
Pansexual
Taken // Shipped
Gary, Rhett, Trent

awards

Emotion Sucks
J-Chan
She/her/It | MST | 3/3/3 | J-Chan#2637
Garrett was surprised inwardly that the werecat wasn’t running out the door, or throwing things around his house – but then again, this wasn’t Milo we were talking about. Milo had been very destructive on the day that the three of them met. Garrett had spent hundreds of dollars fixing the damage, maybe even dropping a couple thousand to have the axles replaced on his Mercedes. He’d thought about listing the car for sale the entire time he had sat in the mechanic’s shop getting the thing fixed – all because he felt like he hated the thing now because Milo had damaged it. What the deal happened to be was that he felt now that he hated Milo when in reality he should have been hating himself. Problem was that he had hated himself for the entire time that he’d been away – and his co-star had taken notice. They’d talked and well… he’d convinced himself that he wanted a second chance with the werecat, if Travis wanted that. And that was an awfully big if.

Garrett could have had anybody in the world that he wanted. He was rich, good-looking, and it helped that he was generally a nice guy when he wanted to be – but there were too many people that wanted him because he was rich and good-looking. Yet there was no one that wanted him because he was a nice guy. It felt different with Travis – he felt like the other man wanted the Psion for him, for who he was, and not because he had a countless amount of money in the bank. Garrett wanted to wake up in the morning, knowing that he was loved and cared for for who he was, not for who society had made him out to be. He was an awfully poor individual if he didn’t have love in his life, but he felt wealthy, knowing that Travis did care, even in spite of the hard exterior he was showing the Psion. Garrett could feel what Travis felt, deep down. It was a side-effect of being a Psion.

“No, I’m not shitting you, Travis. I really do care about you, and I really do want to be with you,” he told the shifter, hoping that Travis believed him, even remotely – and not because he was going to say ‘psych, you’re a fucking loser’ or anything. He was being sincere with his boyfriend. It’d been a long time since he’d been that way with anyone. Of course he could say these things all day, but none of it mattered unless he appeared to be that way. Baring his heart and soul to someone wasn’t easy, but here he was, trying to do just that, if only to prevent Travis from barging out and claiming that none of what he felt was real. It was real, and Garrett had admitted it to himself over the holidays. This wasn’t just some fling he’d forget about once the next hot piece walked into his life. Travis wasn’t Milo – and thank God for that.

When Travis said that he would like to try this again, Garrett felt as though his heart was going to burst from his chest it was beating so fast. He didn’t know whether to run around in excitement or leap with joy from the high dive outside his house at the pool. But, like Travis, he stayed where he was, sitting on the couch and maintaining a calm composure. It took a lot not to scream aloud in joy. Travis was going to give him a second chance.

He said, then, “We can do slow.” And then Travis finally got the words out, which had Garrett let out a breath, as if he was relieved to hear those words, “Thank you, Travis. You won’t regret it.” He was a little surprised those words ‘you won’t regret it’ left his mouth, almost as though he just knew he was going to screw up again. He had a feeling that he might, there was always that possibility. But he liked to think that he wouldn’t actively try to seek out ways to screw up. If it happened, it would be on accident – if there was such a thing – but he knew that wouldn’t be an excuse.

“I got a copy of the first season of the show I’ve been working on, we could watch that and I could make us some food?” Food would be good – as would any time spent with Travis.
Mar 11 2018, 06:46 PM
55
posts
45 Shifter Juvenile Parole Officer
Cougar
Everyone one has a choice. Every choice has a consequence. Remember that and accept it while holding your chin up.
Cautela
Gay
Taken
Travis

awards

Jack of Hearts
Dani
Her/She | Eastern | 0/0/0 |
As angry as he felt at Garrett, Travis could not help but flash bit of a smile and shook his head some when Garret told him he would not regret it. Travis’s lip seem to tug into a bit of a grin before shaking his head and started to uncross his arms, giving the sign that he was slowly starting to allow his guard to lower.

”I guess we will see, won’t we?” he asked, looking over the other male for a moment before finally letting the tension slip from his shoulders.

Not that Travis was not still a bit concerned. Oh no, he very much was still concerned that he was being an idiot. That he was allowing some pathetic kind of hope bubble up and start to service. Instead, he almost felt like he should have popped the bubble, let it explode and die because he just knew that this was going to burn and die, like every other relationship he had ever been in.

It always seemed to happen.

At the offer to watch the first season of the show the other male had been working on, he seemed to think about it before just shrugging his shoulders and nodding his head some. ”You want me to make something for a change? Feel like you’ve been making dinner a lot. Could do something simple. Something like, you know, breakfast for dinner?” he asked, deciding that he might as well offer. His eyes looked back at Garrett, hoping that he was not making a bad idea.

”Might be a bit of fun, yeah?” he asked, rocking in his spot. ”Else I can make something lame like grilled cheese or, you know..” he trailed off. 

Travis was a chef in his own right. He could make simple meals and he was one hell of a cook. It was never a skill he bothered to expand, and the truth was, when he had learned, it was with the basic of basic supplies. He had to give dinner to he and his brother, and they certainly did not always have the best, or the most food available to him. He had quickly learned how to make spaghetti-o’s and chicken noodle soup. Basic things were basic.

The meals were never as extensive as anything Garret ever made. 

Hell, he was hardly able to do anything as well as Garrett.

Mar 16 2018, 09:40 PM
68
posts
1100 Immortal Actor
Psion
All that I see, is the wickedness around me. I refuse to believe, the apocalypse inside of me. I can't even trust myself. I'm burning in my skin. Standing at the gates of hell, but nobody will let me in
Pravilo
Pansexual
Taken // Shipped
Gary, Rhett, Trent

awards

Emotion Sucks
J-Chan
She/her/It | MST | 3/3/3 | J-Chan#2637
Garrett nodded at that when Travis said that they would see if Travis would regret his decision or not. There was always the chance that he would, but Garrett was hoping that it wouldn’t be because he’d fucked up again. It was a hope against hope, he knew, that this would go well for them both. It’d be hard to come back from such a betrayal, he knew this also. Time would see if he could be a good boyfriend to the werecat, and they had plenty of that, time.

The Psion was concerned that he was going to fuck up again – but he tried hard to get his focus off of that, and just try to enjoy what he had in front of him. That was to say that he should try to enjoy this second chance he was being given. If he did fuck up again, he was pretty sure that there wouldn’t be a third chance. He was already living on borrowed time as it was when it came to their relationship. Garrett would have liked to say that he’d had successful relationships in the past, and depending on your perspective that might be true. He had a very successful one with his sister, though it was a rather dysfunctional one at best. But marrying your sister back then wasn’t the worst thing you could do. Hell, cousins were marrying each other in the old South back during the Civil War! And Garrett was eleven-hundred years old! Tangent, heh.

Not gonna lie, Garrett was a little surprised when Travis asked if Garrett wanted him to make something for a change. He raised his eyebrow a little before saying, “Yeah that would be great! I honestly didn’t know you could cook.” It was almost a requirement to be able to cook when you were a bachelor. He probably should have expected that Travis could cook. Whoops. “Let’s go to the kitchen and see what I have. I did go food shopping when I got back, so there should be plenty to eat.” He said to him.

He smiled softly, then, at Travis and led the shifter to the kitchen where he immediately began busying himself with getting the things out that Travis would need to make dinner… er, breakfast… whatever. He’d start with bringing out a pot and a couple of different sizes of pan, a large and a small one if you were curious. And then he started getting things out of the fridge got out the eggs first, and set them on the counter before saying, “So what were you thinking? I’ve got eggs, sausage, ham, milk – a few choices of vegetables if you wanna make an omelet…” he trailed off, looking at Travis over the fridge door.
Apr 3 2018, 03:10 PM
55
posts
45 Shifter Juvenile Parole Officer
Cougar
Everyone one has a choice. Every choice has a consequence. Remember that and accept it while holding your chin up.
Cautela
Gay
Taken
Travis

awards

Jack of Hearts
Dani
Her/She | Eastern | 0/0/0 |
Travis was really hoping that this would work out. Despite the anger and resentment that he felt building up inside of him, Travis knew that he was hoping to have everything work out. It would be one of those things that he would be absolutely fine with being wrong about. It would be great to know that he knew someone that would be with him for all of his life- something that Travis had not been to sure would happen if he were honest.

Travis knew he had his flaws.

He was an angry person most of the time and he knew that little things could frustrate him. More often than not, Travis devoted way too much time to his work. Past lovers often claimed that they felt he loved the children more than he loved them (which would start a whole other fight) but the truth was that Travis stubbornly refused to leave the kids alone in a world that was already tearing at them and trying its best to knock them down. No, he was going to be with them through what they needed, and if that meant not spending every weekend with his boyfriend, then he'd do it. That did not mean that he would never take time off for them, he would, it just was not going to be the same hours as most jobs.

Garrett had seemed to understand that. The actor never whined about Travis doing something for his kids and always seemed to understand what Travis was doing, Maybe not the why so much, but he seemed to understand.

Understanding was a pretty good way to describe Garrett when it came down to it. That was something that Travis had always thought about the psion.

Travis turned to look at the other at the comment and shrugged his shoulders before offering a crooked smile. "Well, it aint anything you would find in a five star, or even a three star place. Nothing compared to what you make... But yeah, I used to cook all the time for my brother and I when we were growing up. I can make one mean grilled cheese with tomato soup, or some pancakes with eggs, french toast, ramen.. I know a lot of ways to make ramen. And a lot of canned soups." he admitted, shrugging his shoulders. Why was he suddenly deciding to open up to Garrett when Garrett had not asked for information?

Hell if he knew.

Maybe it was because Milo was right.

He had spent a lot of time opening up to the vampire- spent a lot of time opening up to his kids so that they would have an understanding of where he came from. Perhaps it was time he did the same for his relationship.

With that thought, he took in a deep breath and turned to face Garrett and straightened himself out a bit, looking the psion in the eye before lifting his shoulders up in a kind of shrug, not sure of where to start with all of this, but deciding that he needed to. "I was going to let you pick.. And, I was thinking, listen, if we are going to be doing this.. really trying.. I think there are some things i need to work on too. Including opening up about myself.. so.. if you- if you have any questions.. Shoot em. I'll answer... most of them. And if I feel like I can't, I'll let you know." he promised. He was not too sure about this, but it seemed fair, right?
Apr 17 2018, 04:53 PM
68
posts
1100 Immortal Actor
Psion
All that I see, is the wickedness around me. I refuse to believe, the apocalypse inside of me. I can't even trust myself. I'm burning in my skin. Standing at the gates of hell, but nobody will let me in
Pravilo
Pansexual
Taken // Shipped
Gary, Rhett, Trent

awards

Emotion Sucks
J-Chan
She/her/It | MST | 3/3/3 | J-Chan#2637
Garrett was hoping that this would work out too. A hope against hope, perhaps, yet he was hoping all the same. It had to work out because it felt like that was all he had. Like the fuck-up he’d done had been the last straw – but by some miracle Travis hadn’t kicked the Psion out of his life yet. He didn’t know how it was going to work out, only that he hoped that it did. And he hoped against hope, too, that it’d be enough.

Garrett had his flaws as well, evident from the fuck-up he’d done. A thousand years ago he wouldn’t have cared about who he hurt – and he hadn’t – but times were different. He was different. Yet there was some weakness that still clung to him. In his search for happiness he was hurting the wrong people, sleeping with the wrong people, and trying hard to exist in a world where he never felt as though he belonged. Finally after a long time, he did feel as though he belonged. He’d been happy with Travis, and that should have been enough for him. But he knew that Milo, however small of part he had played, was to blame as well. He hadn’t exactly – no, he wasn’t going to think of that now.

“You don’t talk about him much,” Garrett would say, “Tell me about him, your brother.” He knew that might be opening up a can of worms, but Travis never talked about his own family, just like – ironic really – how Garrett never seemed to want to talk of his family, either. He’d said some things about his parents, at least, how kind and caring they were, and how his family was pretty much inseparable. But he hadn’t gone into details of what happened with his sister. He said he loved her, but he never dove into the story of killing someone she was going to marry, marrying her or the story of having a family with her. Stuff like that seemed so normal back then. But now? Now he’d be labeled insane and thrown into an institution.

“Sure, yeah, I can do that. We can make omelets, then. I’ll dice up the veggies, and you can man the stove.” Look at that – Garrett trying to live a normal life like every other Tom, Dick and Harry out there. He’d start to get out the things needed – the veggies themselves, a cutting board, and everything else they’d need to make omelets – when Travis told the Psion that if he had questions, the werecat would do what he could to answer them. Garrett was silent for a long moment, mid-cut into an onion when he suddenly asked without looking at the werecat. “What Milo said… what did he mean, Travis?” He did look at the other then, abandoning the cutting of the onion to turn to look at the other man, “I’ll understand if you don’t want to talk about it. But was he just talking shit? Or is there validity to what he was saying?” Had Garrett known the weight of those questions, perhaps he wouldn’t have asked them. But damn it, if Milo hadn’t opened his fucking mouth, Garrett wouldn’t feel the need to pry.
May 4 2018, 05:29 PM
55
posts
45 Shifter Juvenile Parole Officer
Cougar
Everyone one has a choice. Every choice has a consequence. Remember that and accept it while holding your chin up.
Cautela
Gay
Taken
Travis

awards

Jack of Hearts
Dani
Her/She | Eastern | 0/0/0 |
Travis went silent for a moment when Garrett asked him about his brother. It was still a hard pill to swallow, knowing that despite his best efforts he could do nothing for the one person he ought to do everything for. He stopped moving for a moment before shrugging his shoulders a little to try and act more apathetic about it than he felt.

"Seth, my brother, was six years younger than I was. Look, I'll be frank with ya- my parents shouldn't have had a kid. They sure as hell should not have had a second one. As soon as Seth popped out of my mom- I basically took care of him. Or, well, I tried to. I was like, six so I messed up a lot, but I tried hard, you know?" he asked, leaning a bit on the counter as he started to tap the counter.

He was sure that Garrett could feel the emotional hurricane swirling inside of him. Anger, regret, fear, concern- mostly anger. He gripped the counter tighter, and took in a deep breath. "He was always looking up to me, always wanted to be next to me. I always let him hang out with me and used to sneak him into movies when we were younger. We were pros at it." he smiled, letting go of the counter as he decided to focus on the happier memories.

At the suggestion of making an omelette, Travis scooted to the side to walk around him to go and get the eggs. He scooted around the psion and yanked open the fridge door, grabbing the eggs and milk before placing them on the counter. He was trying to remember where the bowls were in this large kitchen when Garrett threw him another question. Honestly, it was one he should have seen coming but was still caught completely off guard by it.

"Which one? The part about my brother I'm assuming?" he asked, turning to look at him for a moment with his hand resting on the cabinet. He hesitated again before lifting his shoulders in a rather half hearted shrug before looking up at the ceiling. "Fucken- when I was 16, someone finally noticed the bruises and how Seth was and how I was and decided to call social services on us. They finally fucken decided to do something when I just needed to get a damn job to get us outta there. But no. They had to do something then. And the fuckers didn't even try to make sure that we were at the same house. No. They split us up." he frowned, looking angry as he threw open the door and dug through to find the bowl.

"And I've tried to take the hits for him. I did. I always did. I- I did a lot to make sure Seth was ok, but when they moved us- I got a good home and he got a shit home. Long story short, I never could get to him when I was 18 like I promised because I got mauled...Lots of legal shit in that, lemme tell you..." he laughed, though it was hallow.

"Seth aint a fighter. he muttered, chewing on his lip. "An' when I found him again- he, well, he was in a bad place, doing drugs, having sex..When I tried to step in to help him, he fought me and told me to fuck off." he tried to explain, letting the bowl hit the counter a bit harder than he had intended.

"And then fucken Milo- opening his damn mouth like that.."
May 14 2018, 07:28 PM
68
posts
1100 Immortal Actor
Psion
All that I see, is the wickedness around me. I refuse to believe, the apocalypse inside of me. I can't even trust myself. I'm burning in my skin. Standing at the gates of hell, but nobody will let me in
Pravilo
Pansexual
Taken // Shipped
Gary, Rhett, Trent

awards

Emotion Sucks
J-Chan
She/her/It | MST | 3/3/3 | J-Chan#2637
Garrett listened as Travis spoke about his brother. He wish he could have sympathized – but his family had been pretty close, close enough to where he had an unhealthy obsession with his sister. He would have told you he merely loved her, if you had asked him about it way back when. Now, looking back, he knew it was an obsession. “Yeah, and that is all you can do really in this world. Try your best, and hope things turn out okay.” He knew he was one to talk. If he had been trying his best, he wouldn’t have slept with Milo in the first place. Not when he first met him, and not in any other time they’d been together, let alone when he was supposed to be with Travis.

Garrett could feel the torrent of emotions surging through Travis. He wished he could help – but he figured that Travis wouldn’t have wanted him to. At least, not yet. Not when they were trying to work things out. He had fed on Travis before, and they were both used to it by now – Garrett always took enough to make Travis feel like a puddle, for lack of a better word, content to the point where nothing would bother him – but he figured it wouldn’t be a good thing to jump into such intimacy quite yet. Work things out, smooth things over, and then jump in the sack together. But he knew that wasn’t the most important thing in a relationship.

The Psion smiled when Travis started talking about the happier memories that he had had with his brother. Those were important to hang on to, he knew. He’d kept most of his happier memories close to his heart, each reminding him that he had experienced them. Deep down he knew he deserved the best – and for all the faults Travis had, he was still the best thing that could have happened to Garrett. It was easy to admit that in his mind – but it wasn’t an easy one to voice when someone thought you a betrayer, and other horrible things. Not to say that Travis did think those things, but damn, all of the things that Milo had said painted Garrett a horrible person.

“Oh god, they really split you up?” He sounded shocked, amazed even that the system could do things like that and get away with it. He knew it happened a lot, but that didn’t make it right. The anger seemed to pour out of the cat shifter as he threw open the cabinet door to pull down a bowl from it. The bowl he’d chosen was made of durable glass, plexiglass he’d heard it called when he bought it – a lot of things seemed to get broken in his home, and therefore he’d taken to buying things that were durable rather than expensive.

Garrett was silent for a long moment because honestly, what could he say on the subject? He’d lived in a time before the system became what it was today, a time when people didn’t really care what happened to orphaned and abandoned children. Kids fought on the streets to have what they had, often getting in scraps with older kids over food just because they had to survive. Garrett had been one of the lucky ones. He’d grown up in a good home filled with love, work and honesty – a rare thing these days – and everyone in his village had cared for one another. That was rare these days as well.

It was while he was listening to Travis that he realized Travis didn’t really talk about his mauling, either. Garrett hadn’t said much on his turning, for that matter. It was just subjects that hadn’t been talked about yet. Those things were personal. Perhaps even too personal to share with someone you’d only known less than a year.

The bowl hit the counter a little harder than it should have, yet the plexiglass held together just fine. It might not have been the prettiest of things he had, but that wasn’t important. It was then that he took a little residual energy from the shifter. Hopefully it wasn’t enough to be noticed. He hoped that Travis saw, if he did notice, that Garrett was only trying to help.

“I’ve learned that if family doesn’t want your help, for whatever reason, it’s best to leave it alone,” he’d say – obviously he didn’t take his own advice when he killed his sister’s lover. “Don’t listen to Milo. He’s a dick that doesn’t care about anyone or anything but himself,” even he had seen that when he’d done what he’d done, a fact that he was still beating himself over when Travis wasn’t around, “Forget him.” He knew that Travis wouldn’t forget what happened though, and that was why he set to preparing things for the omelet they were going to make.

He got the pan ready in that next moment, slathering it with cooking spray. But he didn’t turn on the burner yet. He’d wait a bit, and do that closer to putting the mixed omelet in the pan. “Did you ever find your brother? Is he here in the city?” Curiosity killed the cat, heh.

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